


Deans guilt

by turtlegirl76



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 00:29:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2752802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlegirl76/pseuds/turtlegirl76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean got into a car accident. Dean lost his nephew. Dean gets over run by guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deans guilt

**Author's Note:**

> This is a very short story. It's not well written, but I just needed to write and this is what I came up with. Hope it's good enough.

“Dean I think it’s time to come out and hang out with your friends.” Sam said sadly through his older brothers doorway.   


“Go away, Sammy.” Dean said as he buried his face into his pillow letting another wave of tears fall from his eyes.

 

“You aren’t the only one who lost him, Dean.” Sam said turning and leaving his brother to do whatever it is he is doing behind that locked door.

 

Sam returned to the living room where Castiel and Benny sat with worried looks on their face. Sam shook his head sadly as he sat down on the recliner as he looked towards Castiel. “Has he talked to you any?” Sam asked.

 

Castiel shook his head sadly. “He hasn’t talked to me since the day of the accident.”

 

“Same.” Benny added knowing Sam was going to ask him next.

 

Sam sighed. “He hasn’t been out of his room in days. The funeral is tomorrow and I know it’ll break Jo if he isn’t there to support her.”

 

Castiel looked up at him. “Perhaps I should go try to talk to him?” Castiel suggested.

 

Sam nodded, Castiel got up and walked off towards Dean room. He stopped in front of the door placing his ear to the door listening in. “Dean.” He asked softly as he knocked softly. “It’s Castiel.”

 

Dean sat up on the bed as he stared at the door. Dean has been so lost in the darkness he had completely forgotten about Castiel. “Cas?” Dean asked sadly. “Cas.” Dean said again rushing off the bed, unlocking and pulling the door opened pulling Castiel into a tight hug burying his face in the other mans neck as he sobbed.

 

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean rubbing his back holding him tightly ignoring the nasty smell coming off the man in his arms. They didn’t speak just stayed in silence holding onto each other for dear life.

 

After that moment, Dean had finally started coming out of his room even if it was only to eat once a day with Sam and Castiel. But one night, Castiel came over early and Sams’ car wasn’t in the driveway but Deans was. He figured Sam was at school or work or something Sam related so he took this as a sigh to let himself in.

 

Castiel walked up to the door treading through the snow covered steps. He walked over to the plant, pulled out the house key and let his self into the house. He heard faint classic rock, _carry on my wayward son_ to be exact. Castiel locked the door behind him and started his way towards Dean room to see his door was slightly ajar. He was just about to knock on the door when he heard a soft sob coming from inside Deans room.

 

“I never meant for it to end like this. I never wanted to let down the ones I love. I never meant for him to get hurt, and now he’s worse than hurt, he’s dead.” Dean said softly to no one as tears fell from his eyes. He lifted the barrel to his hand shaking.

 

Castiel watched, his eyes widening with horror as he saw the gun being raised. Castiel quickly stepped into protective mode, opened the door and stood as Dean looked up at him. It was then Castiel noticed how broken he really was. It was that moment Castiel saw the once strong Dean Winchester come apart. “Dean.” Castiel whispered.

 

Dean blinked at him keeping the gun to the side of his head. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Dean said. “I didn’t want you to see me do this. It’s all wrong.” Dean said tears still falling from his eyes.

 

Castiel blinked a couple times before gaining his thoughts and speaking. “Dean, put the gun down. And weather I’m here now, or later I still would have seen you like this. Do you think I want to watch my fiancé blow his fucking brains out?” Castiel blinked at the anger in his voice, but he continued. “Dean Winchester. If you kill yourself I’ll never forgive you. I love you, and I’m not just saying this because I don’t want to lose you, but I’m saying this because no one wants to lose you. We are all worried sick about you, we don’t know how you are feeling about what happened to little Sebastian because you won’t let anyone in. You hold everything on your shoulders, alone. Well I got news for you, we’re going to be married in a couple months, and you don’t have to do everything alone. You have me and that will never change. So please, put the gun down?” Castiel took a deep breath as he watched Dean process everything that was just tossed his way.

 

Dean opened his mouth to speak a few times before lowering the gun and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I just, I feel dead inside. This emptiness is what’s killing me. It’s always dark inside my mind. It’s always a rainy day to me. I can’t see to find joy, or happiness. I can’t seem to do anything besides make everyone worry about me because I’m a fucking pussy.” Dean sighed lying back on the bed and looking up at the ceiling.

 

Castiel tiptoed over towards Dean grabbed the gun from beside his thigh and placed in on the night table before sitting down next to Dean placing his hand on the older mans knee squeezing light. “What is it going to take to show you, it’s not as dark as you make it seem.” Castiel says as he grabbed Deans hand and intertwined their fingers together. “I love you, before, now and forever. Nothing will change my mind about how much I love you.”

 

Dean queezed Castiels hand. “I love you. Please don’t leave me.” Dean said as he lunged himself towards Castiel resting his head on his chest wrapping his arm around Castiels middle holding him tightly. “I almost lost you. I don’t want to lose you. Please, Cas, please don’t leave me.” Dean snuggled his head into Castiels chest.

 

Castiel smiled softly. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Castiel kissed the top of his head using his hand to rub up and down Castiels back. “I love you so much.” Castiel closed his eyes and so did Dean and they both drifted off to sleep.

 

When Castiel opens his eyes slowly Dean is still hanging onto him for dear life and a soft smile spreads across Castiels lips. It has been so long since Dean and Castiel had fallen asleep in each others arms and Castiel couldn’t be happier. It was that the conversation came back and he turned his head sideways and looked at the night table where the gun used to lay, but was now missing.

 

Castiel wondered if he imagined the whole thing just as Sam entered the room slowly. Sam saw Castiel was awake and the panic that was in Sams eyes vanished. “Why was there a gun? Cas, did he try to kill himself, again?” Sam asked. Castiel nodded and Sam continued. “Is he going to be okay?”

 

Castiel nodded as he kissed the top of Deans head. “Yeah, he’ll be alright. He’s just on a dark road right now, but he’ll pull through. I believe in him.” Castiel smiled softly. “And you should to. Believe in him that is, not go down a dark road. I don’t know if I’d be able to deal with two sad Winchester’s.” Castiel said with a soft laugh and it was that laugh that Sam completely relaxed leaning his back against the wall.

 

“That’s good to hear.” Sam smiled at Cas as Dean started to stir in his sleep. Sam quickly got his footing and left with a quiet whispered, “I’ll start dinner.”

 

Dean started blinking the sleep from his eyes as he let his eyes adjust and land on the blue eyes that he had fallen for and a smile, a true smile formed on his lips. “I just had the best sleep I had since the car accident.” Dean said as he lifted his head and pecked Castiel on the lips softly. “Thank you.”

 

Castiel blushed at the kiss. “There is no need to thank me. I love you, and I told you I was always here for me. I was just waiting on you. Now let’s go downstairs, Sam is starting dinner and we can all help him.” Castiel said shimming from Deans embrace. “Oh and Charlie, Benny and Jo are also coming to dinner tonight.” Castiel smiled extending his hand towards his fiancé. “Let’s go, love.”   


Dean looked down at his clothes. “Can I change my clothes first?” Dean smiled taking Castiels hand and standing. He leaned forward kissed Castiels lips softly before shoving him out of the room. “I love you.” Dean says and shuts the door behind him.

 

Dean walks over to his mirror and stares at the man staring back at him. “Sebastian.” He whispers. “It should have been me, not you. You were only 5.” Dean started crying again. “I’m so sorry.” Dean fell to his knees reaching under his burrow finding his black box he opens it. Staring up at him is a silver dagger, a picture of Sebastian smiling and laughing on Deans shoulders who was laughing along with him and a picture Sebastian drew of himself and Uncle Dean and under the picture it says, ‘I love you Uncle Dean’

 

“FUCK!” Dean shouted at the top of his lungs as he grabbed the dagger and shoved it straight into his heart.

 

“Dean!” Cas shouted from outside the door. Cas opens the door in time to see the dagger being impaled into Deans chest. “Dean!” Cas shouted again as he ran over to Dean falling to his knees catching Dean as he fell over limp. Tears started falling down Castiels face. “Dean no, no please!” Castiel begged as he slapped Deans face with his hand. “Fucking wake up!” Castiel shouted again. When he didn’t get a response Castiel sat on his heels tears falling from his face. “Dean.” Castiel whispered.

 

“What’s with all-“ Sam stopped short seeing the scene in front of him. “Dean?” Sam said softy as his knees gave out and he fell straight to his knees. “Dean!” Sam shouted from across the room.

 

Castiel sat there holding the lifeless Dean as silent tears fell from his eyes. “Dean.” He whispered one last time.

 

 FIN


End file.
